Lisa Speaks: Dating After a Major Weight Loss

Lisa Harris of Clementon, NJ, was a self-proclaimed “yo-yo” dieter her whole life. Moved by her father’s dying request to get healthy, Harris had gastric bypass surgery at Penn Medicine with Alan Schuricht, MD, FACS. In this part two of her story, Lisa discusses what happened when she stopped being so self conscious, and started opening her mind the possibility of a relationship. Read the first part to Lisa's story here.

I started communicating with one man early on and considered him a good friend. He didn’t seem to be the “type” I was always interested in. But we had a shared love of animals, football and hockey so emails and text messages were based around that. Then one day I posted a picture of the shoes I wore to work that day – sequined sky-high pumps that are black with red skulls on them. Liam commented on the picture, asking what they were connected to. So I texted him a full-length picture of myself. That in itself took a great deal of courage, and I figured I’d never hear from him again. Wrong… we texted the rest of the day, he ended up calling me at 11 pm and we were on the phone until 3 am, with a date lined up for the following night. I was as giddy as a teenager!

I’d arranged to meet Liam at a diner. We had coffee and ordered appetizers. Conversation flowed freely, and sometime during that first meeting, something clicked. Somehow I just knew… two days later was our second date, and we’ve been in an exclusive relationship since. I told Liam about my surgery on that second date. Mostly because he’d asked to link to me on Facebook, and I didn’t want him to see my progress pictures without having the story behind them first. His reaction surprised me. At first, he said “OK, so?”as if it wasn’t a big deal to him.

Turns out, it’s not.

Now that he understands what I’ve done to reclaim my life, he tells me all the time how proud he is that I’ve done this. He’s very supportive. Of course, the first time he said I had a “smokin’ hot body” (his words, NOT mine!) I had to keep from laughing. My obese brain STILL sees 357 pounds in the mirror at times.

I’ve met his family, and he has met my teenagers. His mother commented that I eat like a little bird. What she didn’t know is that this little bird used to eat like a vulture! I called my mother to tell her about my new boyfriend, and the only way I could think of to describe Liam and my new found love is that he is nothing I ever thought I wanted, but everything I ever needed. I’ve learned many things recently. The most important of all is that I am worthy of a full, wonderful relationship where I am loved and respected. And the feeling is VERY mutual.

Some of the other things I’ve learned while dating as a post-op patient:

1. If you’re using an online dating service, arrange to meet at a coffee shop, diner, or restaurant. Be safe and don’t give out your home address or any other personal information until you know and trust the other person.
2. You don’t have to tell everyone about your surgery. When the time is right, you’ll know.
3. It’s OK to go to restaurants. “I’m really not hungry tonight” can go a long way. Order off the appetizer menu, or get a small chef salad.
4. Watch out for alcohol. Don’t drink if you’re out, especially if you’re driving somewhere. Alcohol hits the bloodstream of a gastric bypass patient faster than “normal” people.
5. Discuss your surgery and any side effects when you’re comfortable. For me, the biggest issue is the amount of loose skin I have. If your partner loves you, the skin isn’t going to bother them.
6. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others.
7. In order to love someone else, it’s important to love yourself. Take some time for yourself, get a pedicure, manicure, new hairstyle, etc… once you feel good about how you look and are comfortable, dating will be much easier.

Don’t be afraid to take a chance. The best things in life happen when we least expect them. 

Lose Weight at Penn Medicine

Lisa began her 150+ pound weight-loss journey by going to a free Penn Medicine weight-loss information session, and you can too.

Learn about medical weight loss in Philadelphia, and the Penn Bariatric and Metabolic Surgery Program at a free information session about weight-loss surgery in Philadelphia.

There, you will hear about your weight-loss surgery options, and how Penn can help you lose weight and get healthy for good.

Register for a free information session today.